Corona Can’t Keep Me Down

When this insanity began, despite it hitting my area in March, we still had the Christmas tree up. Last week, we decided to embrace the spirit of the season a bit early, since nothing is “normal” this year in any way.

My husband is relegated to the basement again, though he isn’t sick this time. He has to work still, and knowing what we do about the seriously crazy spike in cases in our area and us being a high risk family, we decided it’s safest for now to keep some space between the one person who has to leave the house, and those of us who aren’t leaving unless absolutely necessary.

It’s exactly what things looked like 9 months ago.

Except.

I feel a lot less hopeful than I did when this started. It’s been a year of varied opinions, strong beliefs, an absolutely absurd election cycle, and so much more…

There is no way a person can come out of this unchanged.

What I’m realizing, though, is the only thing we have control over is how we change.

While I’d like to see the community come together the way we did back in March again, all I can do is fight for what I believe in, but also know when to walk away.

I lost my job in June. I ran for school board. I started a petition for a statewide mask mandate (not going to preach here, it’s just my belief).

I’ve spent a lot of time angry.

A lot.

We tried virtual schooling and that was a bust. So now, we are homeschooling. By which I mean: I’m trying desperately to make sure my kids read enough, and do some science, and really stay up on math, but I’m also focusing on helping them to be thoughtful, compassionate, creative, and loving humans.

I think we are doing okay. My oldest lost a tooth last night, and left a mask for the Tooth Fairy to keep her safe.

At the end of the day, all we can do is be a good person, make choices which we can stand by long term, and love our babies (if we have them…)

And I need to remember that corona can’t keep me down. I’m too strong for that.

I saw a meme today talking about how some folks wonder when stores and restaurants will open back up, but others wonder when grandparents do…

In talking with a friend about it, I realized that it isn’t just a joke. It’s real, this loss of family time. I feel like time with my parents, my grandad, has been stolen from us. My children don’t see their grandparents. And while I made a joke about wanting some kid free time, I realized that the best thing about this experience for me is the forced time with my kids.

You see, feeling like my own parents have been taken from me, even if only temporarily, it makes me feel like holding on even more tightly to my own kids.

A few years ago, I was forced into being a stay at home mom due to chronic illness. It was something I’d always dreaded. I worked hard to finish college, to become a teacher, and I’d always loved working. Throughout college, I often worked more than one job and attended school full time.

While I always loved my kids, I craved the time away from them to recharge as an adult. It made the time I had with them a little sweeter. But it also turned out that when I had too much time with the kids, I got overwhelmed quickly. I may be a teacher, but most definitely not preschool age! Kids are so precious and wonderful at that age, but oh so needy, and I was beginning to decline in health, and it was overwhelming.

Six months ago, I started a job. Part time, but it was odd because one of the things I’d worried about was leaving behind the kids. After two years home with them, we had built up our relationship and I didn’t want to leave. It took a long time to find our groove again.

Now, we face the prospect of home schooling next year, and while I’m a tad nervous about taking on that kind of responsibility, I’m also really excited about the opportunity to hold on to my kids a little bit better, a little bit longer…

The truth is, I’m really happy at home. Do I miss being able to go out to dinner? Sure. I miss going to see friends, and I even miss Girl Scout meetings, which are always the most beautiful kind of chaos. I miss going to see my Grandad and knowing it’s safe to hug him. And I miss hugging my parents, and sitting beside my mom with coffee.

But I absolutely love this time with my kids.

I really want this covid-19 bull to go away. I want people to be healthy, I want folks to have reliable employment, and I want to stop fighting over whether or not people are willing to wear a mask to keep others safe.

I hope, though, that we will hold on more tightly to the good relationships in our lives.

My heart breaks for anyone who is stuck in an unsafe situation, the closeness of quarters for some people is terrifying for them. I’m so blessed to not be one of those people.

I’m so grateful for my family.

And tomorrow, we get a kitten… 🐈

End transmission.

I’m really entertained by the term “covidiot.” Possibly too entertained by it!

That’s the extent of my musings tonight. I’ve been listening to an audiobook all day, and aside from some literary shaming by my youngest child, that’s all I’ve done.

Oh, I did make another really disgusting pasta dish… I shouldn’t do pastas. I love a good pasta, but I keep thinking I can cook like Roma’s in Spearfish, but I just can’t.

At least it wasn’t my worst-ever dish…

End transmission

So… Clearly I’ve found other things with which to occupy my time… I missed a few days!

Day 49 and not much has changed, though aside from the bottle of wine on my counter. That’s new. It also may be helping me write tonight …

The kids have been playing outside more, which is absolutely fantastic! The weather is beautiful, and despite having Roblox on their computers now, they’re very excited to play outside! This is the last season for their swing set, which bummed them out pretty badly.

They added some paint to it, to really claim it as theirs, and then they swung (?) as high as they could!

I have gotten quite bored with food lately… I used to just go to the grocery store whenever I wanted, and browse until I found something I wanted to eat for dinner that night. It’s a bit harder now, since we have grocery delivery. I have to plan a bit more.

But today, I opted to try quiche… Oh boy was it worth it!

I made the crust from scratch, and then recycled some veggies from earlier in the week, and I was quite impressed by my cooking skills! It’s not the prettiest, I didn’t have a pie pan for this one, but the flavor was absolutely perfect!

I think my favorite thing about this time is how much slower things are. I really do love having the kids around (despite needing a break sometimes, too) and I absolutely love Ben being around more!

The more I think about it, the more I think that we could absolutely home school if we had the right resources. It may not be much of an option here soon … If we are going to minimize our exposure, the kids being in public school might not be the best bet.

We aren’t crazy enough to think we can avoid covid-19 forever. We just want to know that with our compromised immune systems there’s an effective treatment option, or a vaccine. We can’t, and don’t want to, hide forever. I’m just not ready to come out of my cave just yet. I’m getting pretty cozy here.

I did spend a good amount of time with my parents today. The weather was beautiful and we sat out in their front lawn. Two and a half hours later, we realized we were cold and hungry… But it was the longest we’ve seen each other in nearly three months. It was worth every goosebump!

End transmission.

The humans just watched this weird movie about giant fuzzy white monsters hunting small humans. I think they said it was called “Small Foot” or something. They laughed a lot, which kept me from sleeping.

Though that may have something to do with my bed being right next to the speakers.

They took some silly pictures today, the oldest child likes to make faces, which kind of scare me…

Dad slept a lot today. Maybe he’s growing. Or hibernating. I’m only two, so they might hibernate, I don’t know.

Mom drew some again today, she likes to make pictures our of pencils and paints and things. She won’t let me share today’s art though, because it’s a picture she drew for Daddy and she wrote him a sappy note to go with it. I think she loves him more than she loves me. Lucky guy.

Well, that was about all the excitement today, we are surviving pretty darn well!

Good night!

-Wally

Just so I actually post for every day…

We cleaned the house yesterday. For the first time in a long time, kids rooms have been clean for several days in a row.

I think they may have been affected by this isolation…

That’s the extent of yesterday’s adventures, though we did have Indian tacos for dinner. I make decent fry bread.

We also had family photos done on Saturday, drive by style!

Wow was today a blast!

We joined the GISH mini hunt today, and had more fun as a family than we have in a while!

We made a castle and a crown

We gave Ben a haircut

I hid from the kids

They took a “nap”

Small child explained the meaning of life

And I recreated a famous painting with condiments… And then ate it…

We laughed, worked together, and had an absolutely beautiful day!

End transmission

Rain falls outside my window tonight. The smell is intoxicating, or maybe that’s the leftover buzz from the beer I had with dinner. The locally brewed one with just a touch more alcohol than the popular national ones.

My child sleeps, diagonally, on the sofa while the TV shares stories of women and pain and love. The birds stopped singing about an hour ago, just before the rain began.

Rain is my favorite of all weather events. It is purifying and refreshing. It washes away the drama of the day, the fears, the worries, the uncertainty, and reminds us that nothing is permanent. Tomorrow is a new day, and so is the one that follows.

Uncertainty is a human state of mind, and tonight, at the center of a pandemic, we are all afraid. We are afraid of sickness and death and poverty and destitution. We are afraid to speak our truths because we may need something from someone, and our truths may not match.

We are afraid to speak kindly to ourselves. We are afraid to let go and trust that all things work out in some way. We are afraid when someone tells us we might be wrong, and we are even more afraid that they might be right.

But still. The sun rises every day, even when hidden by clouds and rain.  

Today is not about comedic relief, or profundity, or progress. Today is about sitting in peace, with the rain falling, washing the chalk drawings from the sidewalk, and knowing that tomorrow is coming. And allowing it in…

Last night, small child was having trouble sleeping due to a dream the night before in which she got a kitten. She’s obsessed with kittens…

She got on the internet to see if she could find the perfect kitten. Coming down the stairs, excited, she showed me a picture: the perfect cat and it’s only $7.99

Oh honey.

It’s a poster. They don’t sell cats on the internet.

She dropped her shoulders to the ground and said, “oh screw it.”

To which, I burst out laughing! When I explained to her that the phrase wasn’t exactly kid friendly, and that it was a less offensive version of “F” it, she laughed right along with me.

She is struggling with her emotions through all this (who isn’t) and it manifested in this excessive drama about kittens. She’s never been able to have one since we’ve lived in this town, which is most of her life, so it isn’t anything new, but it’s one thing she can focus on.

When the animal shelter opens back up, we will be spending a lot of time volunteering there. Can’t take the kitties home, but sure can love them for a while!

Forty days.

That’s a lot.

That’s Biblical.

But I’m not feeling that profound today.

I’m thinking, if only we’d started this quarantine 3 days later, I’d have turned 37 on day 37 of quarantine.

That’s right. It’s my birthday!

Aside from the fact that it’s 10:30pm and my 10 year old is just taaaaaallllllkkkkkkiiiiinnnngggg at me, it was a really good day!

Also, sorry to my Dad. My child is 100% karma. I used to talk my mom’s ear off late at night and my poor, exhausted, introverted Dad just wanted quiet.

I get it now.

I also got chocolate cake!

My BFF came by and we had a socially distant lunch date in my yard, and my parents sent me the cake and came by with my Grandad to sing! It was wonderful!❤️

My lovely work family brought by a “party in a bag” with all kinds of cool things, including light up balloons, which I didn’t know existed. I feel…

Enlightened…

Not sorry.

We also had dinner from the nicest restaurant in town and it was SO good!

It’s nice that in this really strange time, we can find ways to celebrate each other. My children sang “happy birthday” to me all day long, and their homemade gifts were perfect. It was coupons for hugs and kisses and cuddles, which sounds pretty amazing to me!

We finished the evening with “A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood” which wasn’t anything like I expected, but was very good.

I may have cried a little.

It was good tears though. Mister Rogers embodied all the goodness in humans and it was nice to be reminded of that kindness when we are seeing so much divisiveness in our communities.

Sure, there’s a lot of good, but the ugly in the world is getting louder. It was so great to have a day that focused on the good, even if my children were killing each other in the house while I sat outside getting a sunburn…

All in all, I’m not a fan of 2020, but day one of 37 years old was pretty darn great!

End transmission.